Where it started.

I've had an internal struggle on whether to talk about this on a social platform or not. I am scared of the judgement that may accompany it. But, in an effort to be my most authentic self, I decided it's time to share.

2020 was an interesting year for us all. I have battled with anxiety and depression on and off for awhile. Anxiety more often, but depression is always eager to make its unwelcome appearance. During covid, we've erred on the side of extreme caution and rarely leave the house or see anybody. We try to stay optimistic and positive for the kids. We get them into nature as much as possible. I still struggled. Koko was worried I was sliding into an unhealthy fear of leaving the house. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in a store since this all started. We've had little to no work for our photography business and have struggled at many times during this to make ends meet. I ended up with kidney stones in the late summer/fall of 2020. It was a month from the start of my symptoms until I passed them. My anxiety during that time got the best of me. Before we knew it was kidney stones I had worked myself into a panic that something was really wrong. After speaking to my doctor, she advised me to start seeing a therapist to help with my anxiety. Soon after, I was prescribed a medical marijuana card. I typically wont take pills because of the negative side effects and convince myself that I'm having some kind of reaction. Therapy has been a game changer. I didn't tell ANYBODY that I had started therapy. I felt like it would be seen as a negative thing or that I'm being overly dramatic. My MMJ card has also been a game changer and another thing I wasn't going to tell anybody because of the negative stigmas surrounding it.

But the changes I've experienced have been too positive for me to stay quiet about it. I'm still in control but my worries and anxiety have taken a back seat. There are still times I struggle with anxiety, but not like I used to. I have learned to manage it with the help of therapy and MMJ. I have started doing yoga on a regular basis and practiced meditating. If you have any questions about my journey with this, please don't hesitate to reach out to me here or in a private message. ♡♡

I am trying to be kind to myself and accept my flaws. I have worked on myself a ton and really embraced the shadow work. I escaped to the mountains in January and faced my biggest fear of being the sole subject in front of the camera. My amazing friend Crystal has guided me and helped me along this journey. She is a phenomenal photographer in Cloudcroft and took these photos for me as a part of a project she is doing. ( Crystal Tompkins Photography POW.chill - A cold therapy photo session: This session is a portrait session combined with a little cold therapy. The idea is to release the issues from the tissues, while making space for new intentions, while documenting the process as a reminder you can look back on for inspiration when needed.”) It was 37 degrees outside and I was basically in a tank top and shorts. It was time for me to embrace who I am becoming. I was scared. I'm even scared to post these now. But I've reached a point in my journey where I am no longer sorry for who I am.

I have also started creating content for the cannabis industry. It started as an outlet for my creativity and has grown so quickly. We are currently working with a dispensary here in New Mexico and will likely be creating content for other dispensaries in the near future. Also, next month, I am going to be featured in a new cannabis magazine called The Dab Mag. This is all so new to me as I'm used to staying quiet and hiding my voice, but it's time. If you want to follow along our insta is instagram.com/fourseascannabis ♡♡

Photos on this page by my beautiful friend & soul sister: Crystal Tompkins Photography